Do you lie awake at night, running along the creaky hamster wheel of your mind? Huffing and puffing as you think about what you should have said during that disagreement with your husband? Fretting about whether you’ve done enough to reach your sales target and get your big fat bonus check? Calculating how much cheese you ate at Suzie’s get together and how you will have to eat nothing but lettuce and carrot sticks tomorrow to balance out the calories?

I will admit that lately I have had plenty of grease for my mental hamster wheel and it’s easy for me to slip back into the habit of trotting along the never ending circle of my fears. Thoughts like…Was I crazy to quit my job? Why did my relationship have to end? What if I get malaria or get eaten by a hippopotamus when I go to Africa? taunt me and encourage me to exchange sleep for mental interval training.

Luckily, I have a recently added a secret weapon to my arsenal. Instead of making decisions by constructing elaborate “what if” scenarios in my mind or filling up five notepads with lists of pros and cons, I have finally learned to pay attention to my own body’s honing device. When I shut off my mind (if only for a few seconds) and tune into my stomach, I notice whether spending time with a person fills me with calm or dread; or whether the thought of flying around the world gives me happy butterflies or sharp pains. I know this all might sounds a little new agey, but stay with me for a moment.

On January 1st, I slid my hungover weary limbs into yoga pants and a warm jacket and set off into the brilliant sunshine for a rosy-cheek inducing walk. Unfortunately, nothing about my life seemed rosy. I felt depressed and alone after my recent break-up; angry that I still had to endure one more surgery; and frightened about the uncertainty of my future. As I muttered to myself about the unfairness of life, I looked up and actually noticed the frost shining off the sea wall and the sun dancing across the smooth glass of False Creek. The beauty of the city jolted me out of my dark, narcissistic whirlpool and for the first time, I thought about the possibilities that could result in not having a career, a man, or children to hold on to. What if instead of feeling alone, I could think of myself as free? What would I do with all this freedom? Where could I go? As I leaned over the slippery-with-dew railing near the marina, I inhaled the ocean air and pictured myself traveling to Africa.

My mind did a double take. Africa? Why Africa? it asked as it raced to its wheel and started galloping at a frenetic pace. It listed off all of the reasons why Africa was a bad idea. Too far away. Too expensive. Not safe enough. It tried to ply me with other alternatives. Why not a trip to Mexico or Hawaii to lie on the beach and recoup?

Nope, my stomach replied. I want to volunteer in Africa! Excitement at the thought of giving back and leaving the cancer world behind coursed through my veins.

Admittedly, I had no plan. No idea where in Africa. No idea what kind of volunteer work I wanted to do. I just knew that I would go to Africa in 2011 and for once, I backed away from my trusty wheel before I had the chance to talk myself out of it.

Now, here I am two months later and at 72% of my total fundraising goal! I leave the country in just over a month and will spend six weeks volunteering with Cross Cultural Solutions in Cape Town, South Africa followed by three weeks traveling through Namibia, Botswana, and Zambia.  I cannot take credit for all of these stars aligning. The only thing I did was pay attention to the “Hell Yes” feeling in my stomach and trust that somehow the right people would come into my life to turn this spark of a dream into a reality.

One of those people is Shauna Harper, a business coach, who is working with my sister, Katy Suik, on building her life coaching practice. Shauna found me through Twitter, late last year, and generously offered to help me create my current website. She recently went a step further by writing a post about me on her own blog: Hell Yes – The Ripple Effect of Courage. In it, she offers to give away this gorgeous inspirational magnet to anyone who donates $20 or more to my trip. (Click on the picture or the link for more details). I am currently listening to her Jumpstart course on my Ipod and I love what she has to say about living a more consciously creative life and paying attention to the “hell yes” and “hell no” of our intuition.

Although I still struggle with stepping away from the wheel (I have recently debated starting a support group and calling it Mental Hamster Wheel Runners Anonymous – MHWRA for short), I am learning to pay attention to inspired moments and to trust that Hell Yes feeling in my gut.

I am learning that sometimes lists and logic can back us into a corner and prevent us from creating more joy in our lives. Maybe, every once in a while,  you can join me as you turn down the mental volume, tune into your gut, and wait for your intuition to take over.

When each of us finds a  Hell Yes moment, I hope that we remember to clench it tightly between our fists and ride it out. After all, you just never know where it might lead.

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